I knew what I had done and I was ashamed. Well, nobody knew, because he lay there in my arms, one hand in his hair and another tracing his backbone continuously, even as he grew colder and colder until I stopped feeling him. Feeling everything. I don’t know how long I stood there, staring into the sea, my feet sinking in the sand which became wet now and then, smelling his hair. Or thinking that I could. His lovely crown of curly locks. That’s how I spent my time earlier I think. Untwirling each of those locks and watching them curl back. So obstinate, I would laugh out. And he would look up from whatever he was doing to give me his shy smile. I loved him so much.

I open my eyes and try to look for that familiar warmth. Instead I find it extremely difficult. So painful to look down. And when I do, I can feel that he's gone. Dissolved into what surrounds me now. Stone. Corals. Anemones. Growing from my decaying skin. Something stirs inside me but I think even that is coagulated. It stops. But I cant open my eyes to check, so I don’t.

Then one day I hear a child. A baby laugh in the midst of the sound of the waves. Sound. I slowly open my eyes and feel as if a screaming orchestra burst into its crescendo suddenly. And behold what I see. The same crown of curly locks, on that baby’s head. The baby moves towards me. I want to shout out to him to keep away. I am filthy, dangerous, a sinner. But not a syllable is uttered; my throat has been blocked with lead. The baby keeps moving in my direction, gurgling, laughing 'his' sweet laughter and the resemblance strikes as so strong, that I cant help crying. Tears collect in the mold below my lids before rolling onto the the rocks, to the sand, all of a sudden feeling very wet. I want to reach out to it, but should not. Cannot. Now hes very close and I am trembling. But he doesn’t see, he doesn't stop, he keeps crawling his way, smiling, towards some unknown call. I feel a deep sense of relief and along with it an upliftment, as if an absolution of my sin.